Note to Readers: this blog post is the inaugural edition of “The Voice Within“, a series where I share personal learnings and stories of growth from my own life. I’d love to hear what you think of this post. Leave me a comment below or use the contact form to send me a message.
LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE ON YOUTUBE
Last night, I had a vivid and downright terrifying dream about an ex-boyfriend proposing to me. A man, from over 20 years ago, from a time in my life before I even had a Bachelor’s degree, showed up, literally out of nowhere, professing his love and asking me for my hand in marriage.
I was overwhelmed and confused and honestly, I almost went along with the whole ridiculous affair, but then I stopped. Even in the space of a dream, I thought, “Wait, this is preposterous.”
Many years ago when I was attending talk therapy regularly, I discussed a few dreams with my therapist. The most important thing she told me was to think of the people in my dreams as versions of myself, not as the actual people who exist in my waking life.
When that knowledge surfaced through the jolting awakeness this morning, I relaxed and began to not think of Googling where my ex is, but instead think about how I behaved in the dream is directly related to what I am experiencing in my waking life right now.
I’d like to share my thoughts and themes about this dream now in a way that you might find helpful in your life, on your own spiritual growth and maturity.
When I think back to the dream, what stands out the most is not that he proposed… it’s that I hesitated.
There was a time in my life when being chosen would have been enough. When romantic love, or even the idea of it, felt like something to accept quickly before it disappeared. But in this dream, even as everything was unfolding so quickly, I found myself pausing. Not out of fear, but out of newfound awareness.
As my ex (who was still a bit brooding, very handsome, and even smelling good in this dream) looked up at me during his proposal, my mind began to slow down, and my eyebrows began to raise, as I have noticed they do when I am beginning to become suspicious about something.
As the time in this dream continued to slow down, I remember thinking, “He would need to be honest. He would need to be attentive. He would need to be emotionally available.”
And as those thoughts crossed my mind, I could feel something deeper underneath them… a quiet knowing that I would not say yes to something that did not feel aligned to meet me where I am now.
The woman I am now, the one who has endured countless, countless disappointments when it comes to interactions with other people, in romantic, platonic, and familial relationships, knows that meeting me where I am now is asking far too much for most of the people I encounter.
I don’t mean to come across as a self-righteous jackass when I describe my interactions with other people as disappointing. I am instead describing a lifetime of my own behavior, when I sought to mold and change myself in order to be more likeable…and still ending up feeling and being abandoned. To live through those experiences and come out on the other side as self-aware, instead of bitter, is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. While I don’t think that I am better than anyone else, I must refuse to downplay all the work that it has taken for me to get where I am now.
With all of these things in mind, here’s what I think YOU could find helpful from my dream.
You are not who you used to be
If we think of the people in our dreams as versions of ourselves, then this dream wasn’t really about him at all.
This was about a version of me that once accepted a certain kind of love.
A version of me that may have:
- Overlooked important needs
- Prioritized connection over alignment
- Said yes before asking, “Is this actually right for me?”
And while there is no judgment toward that version of myself, there is also no desire to return to her.
Because I have grown.
When the past shows up, it’s not always an invitation
Sometimes, when something from the past appears, whether in a dream or in waking life, it can feel like a door reopening.
But not every open door is meant to be walked through.
Sometimes it is simply there to show you:
- How far you’ve come
- What you no longer tolerate
- What you now require
In my dream, the proposal felt sudden, intense, and oddly familiar. And familiarity can be comforting… but it can also be misleading.
Because familiar does not always mean aligned.
The power of hesitation
For a brief moment, I almost said yes.
And I think that’s important to acknowledge, because growth doesn’t always look like an immediate, confident “no.”
Sometimes growth looks like:
- Pausing
- Questioning
- Reevaluating
- Pulling your hand back at the last second
That hesitation is not weakness. It’s wisdom catching up to an old pattern.
It’s the space between who you were and who you are now.
What this dream revealed to me
This dream reminded me that I am no longer available for the kind of love I once accepted.
Not because I think I am better than I was before, but because I understand myself more deeply now.
I know what I need.
I know what feels right.
And most importantly, I know that I am allowed to wait for it.
Even in a dream, I chose discernment over familiarity.
And that tells me everything I need to know about where I am in my life right now.
A gentle reflection for you
If you’ve ever had a dream about someone from your past, especially one that feels emotionally intense or confusing, I invite you to pause before assigning meaning to the person.
Instead, ask yourself:
- What did I feel in the dream?
- How did I respond?
- What did I want, and what did I hesitate about?
Because the answers to those questions may have very little to do with them…
and everything to do with you.
Closing
I hope that sharing my dream with you helps you begin to think of your own dreams differently. As we continue to navigate an increasingly unpleasant and unsure world, thoughts of returning to something from your past may feel more and more attractive.
Perhaps you are the girl whose ex will come and sweep you off your feet. Perhaps they will be the kind and generous and self-aware unicorn that you’ve been looking for since 6th grade. And if that is true for you, I wish you nothing but the best in this life and all the rest. But if it’s not, I wish you nothing but high, high levels of self-respect and discernment.
It’s ok for your growth to look like just a pause, a moment to consider what is really aligned for you. Growth can look like the ability to be brave enough to choose the unfamiliar.
Sweet dreams and I love you so much.
Love, Nicole from Vibes and Victory
Posts
Join me for more healing in another blog post.
-
How to deal with frustrating people, poor communication, stressful customer service experiences, and overwhelming everyday situations without losing your peace.
-
Join me for a new, 30-minute guided sleep meditation, ad-free or on YouTube.
-
A gentle reminder that you don’t have to earn your worth. This meditation helps you slow down, breathe, and return to the truth… you are enough.